Fruit of the Spirit

"A mistake made by many people with great convictions is that they will let nothing stand in the way of their views, not even kindness."
Bryant H. McGill   http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/kindness.html#JkDJkgp2XlX4SPED.99


Recently, some hurtful comments were directed at a friend of mine, which has got me thinking about kindness.  As a justification for unkindness, the person who shared these comments expressed something similar to the following (which I saw posted on facebook):

"Some people love me, some like me, some hate me...I don't pretend to be someone I'm not.  I am who I am, you can love me or not.  I won't change!!...I make no apologies for the way I am."  (Originally from Daveswordsofwisdom.com)

This sentiment is often given in a very positive, "I'm okay, you're okay" kind of way, as an affirmation of self-esteem.  But are you really okay if there are people in the world who hate you?  More to the point, are they okay?  Shouldn't you perhaps be asking what on earth you did to make people hate you?  Must have been something pretty awful, and yet we're encouraged by these kinds of "no apologies" statements to carry on with our possibly appalling behavior as long as we feel okay about it.

I'm not suggesting that we accept unquestioningly any negative comments directed at us, and it's entirely possible for someone to hate you with no real provocation.  But it's unlikely, isn't it?  And shouldn't we at least feel obliged to consider whether we deserve any ill-will toward us?  To review our words and actions to see whether maybe someone's low opinion is justified?  Nah, because then we'd have to change our behavior, and take a hit to our self-esteem.  It's all about self-esteem, right?

Wrong.  What's the point of self-esteem if there's nothing real to esteem?  If you don't esteem mean behavior in others, why should you so blithely accept it in yourself?  Unthinking dismissal of another's criticism of us is an uncompromising stance that forbids honest feedback and prevents an ongoing relationship.

When this incident occurred, it reminded me of a similar one several years ago, where another friend of mine, whom I'll call "Liz" was criticized (unfairly, I thought) for a project she'd worked very hard on.  I decided that the criticism in this case came down to the other person's sense of entitlement; that she had the right to request that the situation around her be made to meet her needs, even at the expense of inconveniencing and even hurting my friend.  I've seen this before: I used to have a friend who, every time we ate out, would call the waiter over to complain about something.  Every time.  She was always extremely polite and very friendly in her complaints, and usually received an equally polite and friendly response.  But after awhile, I realized that she felt entitled to manipulate the situation to suit her wishes.  The trouble is, she never considered the cost of this to those tasked with making changes.  In the case of "Liz", the cost wasn't simply a matter of inconvenience.  She felt really hurt by the constant complaining she endured throughout the project.

That's not to say that people should politely and silently endure appalling service or treatment from others.  But if a reasonable effort has been made, and no egregious error presented, simply letting go can be a kinder option.

That's all I'm saying.

Delightful Creatures

"Between the innocence of babyhood and the dignity of manhood, we find a delightful creature of a boy."  Author Unknown


"Merry-hearted boys make the best men."  Irish Proverb



I have a houseful of boys today.  Brennan invited his friends J, N, H & E over to play games.

Boys in their early teens are truly delightful - a captivating combination of boyish exuberance and gentlemanly courtliness.  They shovel in mouthfuls of popcorn with polite but muffled expressions of thanks.  Their voices rumble like men, but then suddenly break into squeaky giggles.  Their painful teenage awkwardness is sometimes broken by an occasional glimpse of the confident adults they will become.  After a competitive hour of applying grown-up logic in a series of games, they stop to play silly songs and make shooting noises.  What a great bunch of guys!

Listen Up, Boys

I just saw this on Pinterest.  Wonderful.

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve. Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow. She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book. Buy her another cup of coffee. Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice. It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does. She has to give it a shot somehow. Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world. Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two. Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries. If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype. You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads. Or better yet, date a girl who writes."

Stuff Homeschoolers Do

Play Monopoly.  With the real guy.

Roll shotgun rounds.  Because every 17 year old needs a little black powder, no?

Ski for a whole day each week.  What?  It's PE.

Did You Know?!

If you hold your ipod/mp3 earphones up to your nostrils, you can hear the music out of your mouth.

Go on, try it.  You know you want to.  :-)

They're For Real?!

A few months ago, I wrote a post about the running app I've been enjoying, "Zombies, Run!"  In a post-apocalyptic, zombie-infested world, I am Runner 5, saving Abel Township by making supply runs and outwitting the undead.  Now, every couple of days I race through local parks, carrying armloads of imaginary axes, usb keys, packs of underwear, sports bras and tinned food, and outracing wandering zombie packs in order to survive.  And I'm pretty good at it.  Abel Township has come to depend on me, and yesterday I saved no fewer than 50 lives.

Once the earphones come off, however, I've been assuming I'm safe, that the zombies will quietly retreat into the bushes (or my ipod) until summoned to chase me again.

But now it turns out there may be some truth to the whole zombie apocalypse:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=E96T7_WqXZQ

In Montana, at least.  Who knew?

Uvulal Exposure

Is it just me?  Am I the only person who remembers their mom saying, "Cover your mouth when you yawn!"  Yet there is a veritable epidemic of open-mouthed maws out there.  Major uvulal exposure.

Update:  Oh, the irony!  Just this morning, I taught my English class about singular and plural pronouns, and how they absolutely cannot use a plural pronoun when a singular is required.  Yet look what I've done!  "Am I the only person who remembers their (um, her) mom."  Shh, don't tell my students!